he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
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