you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
