Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
