is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i believe in u and ur pee
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
