if i died would you start the facebook group?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
