You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
