were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
