I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
