her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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