You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
