i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
