My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
