youre lurking in front of me
Soap is not a condiment
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
