i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
