it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
it glows. i had to have it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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