I need to stop coming to work sober
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
