I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize