I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
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Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
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Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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