Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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