I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
