She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
