I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
someone owes me an orgasm
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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