The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
