I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
