I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
