Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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