WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
