My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
