More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My hand turned me down
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
