We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
