so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Randomize
