At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
