apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
