Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The Olympian is in my bed
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
