sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
