Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
