Jerry, you need to find god
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
