I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
