So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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