apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
