you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
