there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
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I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
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