He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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