Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Randomize
