You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
