I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
