I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
