Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
