everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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