I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
