The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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