I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
