Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
