dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
