Pappa wants mamma naked
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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