I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
