my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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