There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
