The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
