I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize