Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
