More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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