dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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