we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
