12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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