You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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