they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
