the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
