that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
