I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
