Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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