just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
