I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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