Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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