Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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