and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's blow job season.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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