im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
