on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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