I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
