ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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