i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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